Can you believe it? I no longer have any sticky notes sitting above my laptop. Not a single one. It’s empty. What I do have, is a to-do list:
Hello all readers(I know you’re there, I have a counter…) would you be so incredible cool that you donate some money to the Office of Letters and Light? I would love you forever and ever. I’m sadly not in position to give them any of my money, but if you can do it. I’d be so thrilled.
Why should I give my money to this, uh, Office of Letters and Light you say?
Oh I don’t know, because they are awesome and keep me occupied entire November? Because they give some schools access to free computers? Because they give scools educational material? Do you need any more reasons? Oh, you do, how tragic. Well, lets see, because they can keep you occupied in November to?
Okay, Kris, what’s up with November?
NaNoWriMo is what’s up with November.
Nano-what?
National Novel Writing Month. It’s all about writing 50 000 words in one month, writing a novel! Itsn’t that awesome then nothing is. Love me, Love them, sponsor my writing by giving them money so that I can do it again next year, and the year after and the year after. They have a young writers program too, it’s awesome for the kids and schools.
It does sound kind of fun that Nano thing.
YES! DO IT! and give them your money
Alright, how do I do that?
The money you can donate here: http://www.firstgiving.com/kirablue
Signing up for NaNoWriMo you do here: http://www.nanowrimo.org
I love you<3
I suffer from writers block, just when I don’t need it. I’m writing two essays this week and next friday I have another one! Great timing!
I want to write, my fingers are itching to write, but nothing that comes out makes sense to me. I feel empty. I just want to sleep, sleep and sleep more, and maybe watch some TV. I think maybe a writers block isn’t all that is wrong with me today. I don’t want to eat anything, I don’t want to get out of bed, I want to watch something Disney and I don’t want to listen to music. THis is all wrong. I must be seriously ill.
Don’t expect any fun updates this week either.
So this week is ending and new is starting. I’m still blocked when it comes to writing, but not as much as earlier this week, so expect blogging to be picking up again.
Over to the sticky note: ATONEMENT
Yes, that was it, atonement, written in capital letters and all. I wrote it because that was going to be part of a present for my friend(the movie, not the book) and I needed to remember it. I suck at remembering things like that.
I’m not in the mood to write much, nor do I read or draw. I just listen to music and watch movies. I’m feeling down. I’m listening to the Clash right now and they make me feel less shitty and more angry and I stop crying. They also make me feel like going out and kicking ass, filling me with energy, so there you have it, they are medicine against pretty much anything. I love them.
Want to know what else I love? Billy Elliot, I saw it today and I realized that I had avoided it for about six months, I have no idea why. Anyway here is a nice clip from it, with the music of the Clash of course:
I am awfully bored, and I’m waiting for something. So I will blog a survey I got on a Myspace bulletin.
What color is you nail polish?
“Midnight Passion” or almost like dried blood, only a little bit more purple.
2- What’s your favorite smell?
I have now idea, freshly cut grass perhaps.
3- Favorite TV show?
Changes with my mood…. Pushing Daisies, Chuck, Heroes and Kyle XY are clear favorites though.
4- Favorite animal?
Cat. Meow.
5- What are you wearing?
an old t-shirt and Pajama bottoms
6- How many kids do you want?
0
7- What will you name them?
I’ll name my cats Nathaniel and Spike
8- What’s your favorite movie?
Empire Records and Across the Universe
9- Do you have bunk beds or a regular bed?
regular bed
10- What do you do in your spare time?
nothing
11- What kind of toothpaste do you use?
the fresh kind
12- Favorite cartoon character?
Idk.
13- What do you want to be for halloween?
Scary
14- What’s your favorite kind of chocolate?
dark chocolate
15- Favorite pokemon?
uhm, can’t remember the name.
16- How long have you known your best friend?
12 years.
17- Do you wear jewelry?
occasionally
18- Single or taken?
single
19- Do you like the decorated band-aids or the normal type?
decorated & normal :p
20- Favorite cereal?
Uhm….
21- Do you enjoy being on the phone or computer more/
computer
22- Do you do your own laundry?
sometimes
23- Long sleeves or short sleeves?
long
24- Tea or coffee?
coffee
25- Cupcakes or muffins?
muffins
26- Salsa or dip?
salsa
27- Cookies or cake?
both *yummy*
28- Cereal with milk or without?
with milk
29- Dress up dogs or not?
NOT!
30- Dogs or cats?
cats
31- Tylenol or Advil?
umh… Painkilers right? Paracet/Pinex
32- What’s your favorite genre of movie?
Drama, comedies
33- Baths or Showers?
showers
34- Skinny jeans or normal jeans?
normal
35- What were you doing before this survey?
watching Terminator: The Sarah Connor chronicles
36- What are you craving right now?
sleep
37- Regular books or audio books?
regular books
38- TV or DVD’s?
dvds
39- Mints or Gum?
gum
40- Walmart or Target?
target?
I think I should not sleep other nights too. Why? Because I said a thing in class today. I could have stayed out of it, but I didn’t. I spoke several words, and I had a strong voice. I rocked!
This all sounds very little to you doesn’t it? Well let me tell you it means a lot to me, a lot. I am so shy and akward about myself that I usually just make squeeking sounds(which of course is also incredibly embarrassing, but I can’t help myself).
Time for the sticky note. Again no picture, I’m still looking for my camera.
“Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear”
That is a quote from Empire Records, and it is said by Lucas. I find it hilarious. I’m not sure why I wrote it down on a sticky note though. Maybe I just wanted a little cheer me up the next time I was looking at my pile of sticky notes, knowing that most of them consists of to-do lists or lists of things I need to buy, but have no desire to waste my money on.
It is Sunday today, but I feel like it should be Saturday, and that I should be preparing for a night of fun. I feel guilty for making chocolate balls and for not doing my homework. I feel good because I just cleaned my room(by cleaned I mean I got rid of unusable pieces of paper and other things that was floating around in it and removed the gigantic balls of dust behind my door and under the bed). I feel bad because tomorrow is Monday, and I’m about to start the third week of school and I know I’m a week closer to the beginning of my life, and that I don’t have a clue what to do about that. (I have been thinking about failing some of my classes just so that I won’t have to grow up just yet, but of course I won’t do that).
Lately I’ve been self diagnosing myself with various psychological illnesses, mostly because I read the blogs of several people who suffer, and find that the things I feel and have been feeling for a few years now is the same as what they are feeling, except a little less extreme. Which is why I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m almost crazy, and I’ve decided to not be almost crazy, in fact I don’t want to be the least crazy. And just so we are clear, by crazy I mean insane and mentally unstable.
I am afraid almost crazy will turn into crazy if I keep it up. I have no energy to do anything, I can’t sleep, I cry over nothing, I have major mood swings, I have minor panic attacks when my parents are coming into my room and I freak out thinking about them seeing anything slightly private. I can’t even show them what I’m reading, I’m paranoid. I also struggle not to feel ridiculous around my friends at school.
I have absolutely no self control what so ever and I really, desperately need it, and some discipline too. I need to start working out, I need to talk more, I need to meet people outside of school more often, I need to get better grades, I need to be less sick, I need to be thinner, I need to feel prettier, I need to read some more books, I need to feel alive.
Sometime earlier this week I sat in a room with three of my female friends, and for some reason the topic they ended up talking about was porn, and guys. I kept my mouth shut the entire time, because it was too entertaining to listen to them agree with each other and still manage to argue a little.
One of the girls asked if anyone had ever watched a porn movie, then everyone made grimaces and sounds that ultimately meant the same as “eeeew!”(I did not make a sound or a face). Eventually I came to the conclusion that they had seen bits of porn, but never been able, or willing, to sit through an entire movie. They said it was disgusting, but then they started talking about guys and porn. Would they let their boyfriend watch porn? All of them came to the conclusion that they would, but not too much, because then they would feel like they weren’t enough. I guess the idea was better to know and control than have no idea.
Personally I’m not into porn. I haven’t seen much, but out of what I’ve seen there was perhaps one that I liked a little. I truly understand them when they say “eww”, but I think I could enjoy porn if it wasn’t for the many girls that look like they are made of plastic and butt ugly men. Maybe a little more women taking control over the guy and a little less fake moaning. I’ve read articles about “porn for girls”, but I haven’t seen any(can’t say that I’ve really been looking, but still).
Now back to my girls’ conversation. They all seemed to think that porn was a part of a man’s needs and that he should be allowed it, to a certain extent. What about their needs? Do they not have sexual needs similar to the ones they seem to think their partners have? Do they not masturbate? I know I do(I know they do too, but that they won’t admit it, but that is a topic for another blog post). Do they seriously believe that their man will be enough satisfaction for their sexual needs, but not the other way around? That their men needs more than they do? Or is it all pretend? I, as a woman, know that I would need to satisfy myself without “my man” and that I might want something to turn me on. I wouldn’t watch porn, but I would read it or find it elsewhere. I’m pretty sure these girls will too.
Now I’ve forgotten what my point was supposed to be, let’s hope it’s in there or that I find it later.
